you hadn’t noticed, had you? the interruption in the flow of images and blather from your correspondent; it may continue into the foreseeable future as he takes time to re-group, re-energize, and re-connect with his inner blogger. (the one thing i do loath is someone who talks about themselves in the third person, mea culpa.) re-gardless, stop by when you feel like it, dig around in the archives, i have and i have found some posts that still resonate with me and hopefully with you. see ya!
Posts Tagged ‘future
i haven’t thought about time all week.
perhaps i dipped a toe or two (maybe a whole leg) into the past, but i have not looked forward, nor tried to divine the future by reading tea leaves, wetting my finger and holding it up to gauge the direction of the wind, looked out to sea for a sail breaking over the horizon, stared deeply into my crystal ball (what? you’re surprised i have a crystal ball? really, you shouldn’t be. how else do you think i am able to dig so deeply into the time(s) of my life?)
what is most impressive, to me at least, is that i have lived in the moment or for the moment, however you want to look at it, all week long. it’s not that i’ve consciously sought out the ‘now’, but at the same time, the ‘now’ has seemed to be enough for me (in a “how-now-brown-cow-kind-of-way.” which reminds me, i had a speech impediment as a child, not a stutter so much as an inability to properly pronounce certain consonants; alright, i had a lisp. my mother, wisely and presciently, sought out a speech therapist and i spent a couple of years working on overcoming said ‘disability’.)
there’s something to be said for living in the now, except for what can be said for looking backward and forward–a balance that you may spend your entire life trying to maintain. i suppose we could all take a lesson from the century plant; it seems to know the secret of maintaining its equilibrium, ignoring time entirely. for now.
the future = what you make of it • <less what you have no control over> x your genetic make-up + who you choose to surround yourself with ÷ goldman sachs – rick santorum ± whether or not you caught the #7 train (heads or tails) (blue eyes or brown) + the name of the first street you lived on – the time your parents argued about paying for your college even though you had decided to get a degree in the humanities (pick any subject within that discipline, they’re all weighted the same) [didn’t go to college? no matter! you’re fucked no matter what choice you made.] x nature/nurture ÷ bootstrap pulling ability x your fifth grade teacher + your first cigarette/kiss/toke of marijuana/beer/hand-job in the back seat of your best friend’s car (all of which could have happened at one time) to the 10th power.
mix well, down in one gulp to avoid that nasty after taste while reading ayn rand standing on your head so that your t-shirt slips down around your upper torso and everyone is looking at your hairy belly (bonus points for the hairy belly if you’re a woman) and wondering if you’re any good in bed, ’cause, after all judging your ability as a lover is the first thing we all think about. amirite?
i was going to write about verb tenses, but then thought better of it. there’s enough tension in the world without me prattling on about the future, the past, the present, and the conditional. of course, the week is young and i may yet find the inspiration to explicate the future, the past, the present, and the conditional. [as consolation, there will also be pretty pictures to compensate for my nonsense.]
everything about me now is a little softer, a little rounder, a little more out-of-focus. the past (the distant past, not the recent past) seems clearer and closer, perhaps even more real as i scratch under the surface of memory, fact and the fiction that always accompanies it (the fiction often more true than the fact.)
the sharp edges of youth have eroded, those uncertainties, those fears (some do remain, as they probably always will), washed away with the passage of time; decisions made early in your life that determine the course of your life affected by the prevailing winds, terrain, minerals, resources so that what you thought would be ‘carved in stone’ has been rubbed smooth by that which you have no control over.
they say you determine your future and perhaps, in many ways, they may be right; there are things you can do that will chart your future course, but for many of us, happenstance has been the better plan, or at least the happier plan. it’s not for everyone, the future looms large now, uncertainty a less pleasing sensation than it was even a few short years/months/days/minutes/seconds ago.
bleached out as you are by the sun (or any other light of scrutiny, examination, divining), your edges more an aura than something you could grab a hold of, hang on tight to, steady yourself, right your course, or even retreat and re-focus your energies (the es of life), you may find yourself, as you have in the past, letting go, sighing, ignoring, blinded by the light.
and try as you might to make those determinations, the ones that will prepare a future for you that will rely less on chance and more on, on, on, whatever the opposite of that would be–could it be planning?–matters not, the course is set, you’re already a deep canyon and the future is your delta, its shifting sands your future, but not your end.