for many years i’ve known that i have arrhythmia–an irregular heartbeat. it was a minor inconvenience up until about 5 years ago when it started to become more noticeable — inducing dizziness, making me more tired than normal. i took a stress test, passed with flying colors, and the dr. gave me a very low dose of a beta-blocker to help even out the rhythm of my heart.
all was good and just with the world. until recently. a few months ago i began having extreme bouts of arrhythmia–so severe that they made my head hurt as if in the forge of hephaestus and i thought my heart would leap out of my chest like the birth of a mythological beast. (mixed metaphors my specialty.)
so this time, off to a cardiologist, another stress test–same excellent stamina as before (the tech thought i was ‘well fit’ for someone my age–just the words a gay man wants to hear), but there was a part of the test that gave the dr. pause (heart joke!) and so now i’m hooked up for 30 days to a heart monitor and scheduled for a echocardiogram and a nuclear stress test, whereby you are loaded up with an isotope (short half-life, i’ve been assured) and over a four hour period — bring a lunch, they said — are put through the gauntlet.
all of this may account for my inability to make a decision, my apathy toward my blog(s), my crankiness (rest assured, m. has taken note and umbrage with my smart mouth), and my, until today, secret thoughts about how my life should end. (i’m not going anywhere anytime soon, so don’t get your bra in a bundle, but still.)