if you feel guilty for something, even though you’re sure you didn’t do anything wrong, are you guilty anyway? the last several mornings i’ve woken up (at the damned insistence of the alarm) from a dream–less a dream, really, more of a conversation with myself–implicating me in a wrong-doing in a long ago relationship, during which it is suggested that i wronged this person. much hurt all around.
what happened is of little concern, but for the fact that the accusation of wrong-doing still haunts and perplexes me and that it chooses to visit me just before the dawn (is it darkest then?) confounds as well. there seems to be no resolution.
(a note: i don’t consider myself ruled by guilt; it wasn’t a tool wielded by anyone in my family as it is for many others.) so why, i ask myself, is this one thing making its presence known so insistently these past few days? perhaps it’s that the devil putti are at it again. (the most rational of reasons and the one i’m going with for the time being.)