three interviews

3 short stories about job applicants in maui

1.  the phone rings, i answer it, “good afternoon, _________ gallery, this is robert, may i help you?” “yes, i’d like to apply for the consultant position you have advertised.”  “well, you’ll need to make an appointment for an interview, may i ask your name?”  “yes, it’s Three Singing Eagles Grady.”  Ms. Grady made an appointment but never showed up, but that didn’t stop us from faxing her ‘resume’ to our corporate offices.

2.  a nicely dressed man, possibly in his 30s, is interviewed by my associate director.  he didn’t have his resume with him, but promised to fax it to us later in the day.  the interview had gone well and we thought we might actually have found the right fit for the gallery.  later that afternoon, the fax rings (this is when fax machines used roll paper) and his resume started coming through; it was 5’ long.  highlights included: i was born in 1962 via natural childbirth.  i am uncircumcised as are my 5 brothers.  i lived in a cave in france as well as a guest at the coty chateau.  his resume was nearly a month-by-month recap of his entire life.  we also faxed this to corporate.  at which point hr called and said it wasn’t necessary to do that any longer.

3.  i’m interviewing a nicely-dressed man, probably in his 30s also, short haircut, prep clothes: khaki pants, rep tie, button-down oxford shirt.  he was articulate and smart.  i say, “do you have any questions you’d like to ask me?”  “yes, what would my schedule look like should i be hired?”  “i always try to give everyone 2 days off in a row; do you have any special requests?”  “i was hoping my schedule could be a little more flexible.  you see, i never know when the spirit is going to call me and i won’t be able to come in that day.”  “i see, well, it’s been wonderful speaking with you today, i’ll be back in touch with our decision,” i say shaking his hand (and my head in disbelief.)

the end.


2 Responses to “three interviews”

  1. January 2, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    My VP for HR and I have said that when we retire we may write a book about the most bizarre interviews we have conducted through the years. At the top of the list was a women who have being asked the “Where do you see yourself in ten years?” question took a long pause and then said, “Well, I hope I’m still alive.”

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© Robert Patrick, and Cultivar, 2008-2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts, photographs and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Robert Patrick and Cultivar with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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